I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
