sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
