sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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