FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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