yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
