he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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