Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
