I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
