I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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