have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
