peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Farmville is her only friend.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
