too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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