I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
