I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
