I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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