He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
