They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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