Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
if only i could text you this smell
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
