you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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