I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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