Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
