Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
