dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We had to coat check the pizza.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
