I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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