I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the day after is always just damage control
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
