did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
