Define "chronic" masturbator.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize