ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
