just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
