I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
