He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
