Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
