After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
