hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
