He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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