I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Randomize
