Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
