Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
