I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
They took my balls.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
