When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
