I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
