Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
