You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
this must be what syphilis tastes like
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
