oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
