My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wish my penis had an off switch
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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