just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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