im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
it's like heaven, but drunker
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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