I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
