I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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