Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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