It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
