Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
