You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
