C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
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