He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
