Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
