apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
