how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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