My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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