Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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